REVISIONS
Thank you so much for applying! Before we can make the final call, we’d just like to see some adjustments made to the following:

⦿ While we find the world build of the culture and magical society, we find some inconsistencies in Rosemarie’s background and personality that we’d like to see resolved. While the suspension of disbelief covers minor instances of this (cheerleading isn’t a thing in Berlin; no dancer would take off a year at 25 and expect to go back to a job because that’s already considered rather old for a ballerina), we feel others - such as the contrast between Rosemarie’s normal life and her surprisingly rapid descent into being hardened against killing people, why she would help her mother to take care of the new baby but still have a rocky relationship with her family over all, and her feelings for her brother - to be not as fully explored to the extent that we’d like.

For your revisions we’d like to get a better sense of how Rosemarie’s relationship with her family affects her day to day life, her perception of the magical world, and how she values friendship and family - is one more important to her than the other? We’d also like to see you considering questions like how a relatively normal young woman becomes comfortable with killing; does she simply view it as a necessary means to an end, or does the blood on her hands haunt her? If her attitudes surrounding death are cavalier, how is that consistent with her own death tanking her self worth? While you have a great combination of traits - both strengths and weaknesses - here, we’d like to see them working together better and more clearly reflecting Rosemarie’s history.

⦿ We’d like to see a concise list of spells and abilities in Rosemarie’s canon abilities section. ‘Magic’ is a big field; anything not covered in her abilities section won’t be usable in the game. For your own enjoyment, we encourage being thorough!

⦿ Because the last stage of Rosemarie’s disintegration skill is time instead of weight based, there needs to be a sense of how long it takes her to disintegrate different materials. If that’ too complex, we encourage you to simply stick with the weight limit system for this stage as well.

Please make sure to get your revisions back within 48 hours and to clearly mark the revisions made in your app. If you need an extension due to RL circumstances, feel free to contact us!